Thursday, March 19, 2015

Collating

A little guy enters the world. Really a simple world, complicated by evasion, gone tremendously wrong. Immediately too much is going on. What works is one moment to the next and choosing  pleasurable, loving activities, and for the very few this happens. Except for most of us that is not what faces us. The armor, the hiding, the stilling of what is needed begins. The new character seems safe and it is because it guarantees ones survival for most. Some can not do it. Perhaps they have too much early brilliance and it is just time for them too move on or just become aberrant. Whatever, the rest of us have to deal with abuse of one kind or another. All of us turn to some kind of addiction to soothe our neurotic character with fantasy, drugs, food, some aberration of the primary drive. All of this moves the Orgone, and that pleasure seems enough. But and it is a big But it isn't. Dr. Reich developed the four count energy principle and it inhabits human beings and probably all developed species.  The Orgone needs full expression as it grows in us. At some point the Orgone will fill us too excess, and needs to be fully, deeply expressed through sexual intercourse. Except because of armor, Orgone stilling, the excess is released through Dr. Reich's brilliantly conceived secondary drives, (weird Orgone, my term), causing the dysfunction in our culture.

Beginning at a very early age, almost at birth, the need, the stimulation of the embrace, a primary drive, and the practice, and the closeness and the simulation of body to body contact needs to be experienced with the mother and then with other children. Of course as a child physically the full release  is not complete. Later children want to express their connection, but will be blocked by adults who will say that children are  "too young to know what is right'" or some such statement. What does happen, the adults unconsciously realize how abused and abusive they are and the memory is buried of there own abuse by substituting and controlling the children. The result: the child is forsaken closeness that any other mouse can experience and develops substitutes that hide, obfuscates and fuel addictions.

The mythical garden is taken away. Truly we can not underestimate the horrendous results of this expulsion. Our culture with its complete war practices, on every level, is a manifestation of its anger at being deprived of closeness, pleasure of  sexual honesty, that every other bird and bee can experience and instead becomes the nasty, murderous species that is on the edge of extinction.

Orgone Therapy can help change that nasty laugh to satisfaction by helping us remember simple pleasures are our heritage.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Exploring My Life Through Orgone Therapy



Looking back at my childhood I can see I never wanted to leave home; I never saw anything wrong with my family. I would never look at my past. My past was not a solvable problem and seemed to have no influence on my present behavior. Now that idea seems so strange to me. I now know why that is so. I controlled myself unconsciously so I would not see my dysfunction and my families dysfunction: immobilized breathing is a fantastic way of staying unresponsive. Allowing the Orgone to move in my body is the precursor to moving out into the world. Expressing oneself opens oneself to knowledge and as it turns out is threatening to other people who are also wanting to stay unaware. The need for addictive substances reinforces ones confused character and a satisfied aliveness, Orgone expression is curtailed.



Finding the answer to my headache that has begun in the last year, has led me to explore my progression of finding how my headache, my character, my armor, my addictions are symptoms of my pathology.

Today I woke with my typical tension in my occiput region, that is above the collar of my shirt: that tension caused my headache and I knew I was unconsciously contracting those muscles. The muscles tightening through the top of my head compressed the nerves, and the blood vessels, caused severe pain. Laying there I experienced my shallow breathing, and the tension, the holding, the contraction that began telling me that I won't express myself. I knew I was tense, succeeding in not experiencing something. I would have to use what Orgone Therapy taught me to get rid of that headache. Why, why and then as I said to myself I won't, it reminded me again what I would have to do if I didn't want to be in pain. Orgone Therapy had an answer for my living coma. "Say I won't", said Dr. Rinn. Over and over I said I won't. No info to what that meant;  I kept on with the I won't, saying it made me feel better, and after years, ultimately it brought me back to my original template, my difficult birth.

The initial template of being born by a very armored mother, combined with circumcision and followed by neglect, and my withdrawal was seen as being a good boy. Quiet no trouble for the parents. And you bet if I knew anything I was going to hide, as not to be hurt by neglect: what was neglect?

The difficulty for me was the distasteful humans, and being small I didn't dare revolt, when I did I got beaten: I felt more than scared, I was invisible. My reaction was as the
possum. I would keep that MO that would become my character. A sleepy good boy with moments of excitements combined with tantrums, anger. Over years I would experience my past, yes all the way back to when I wouldn't express the pain, my rage. I once again realized I was the master of hiding from myself. Waiting for me was the Gestalt of the baby, the child, the teenager who was holding himself so tight, by not breathing, by not knowing how to express his disgust, his anger, my rage. Finally to be-woken up and to express myself finally. Orgone Therapy taught me emoting, appropriate emoting took away my headache, and lessened my need for my addictions: food and unconnected sex. Orgone Therapy is dynamic.

Today I know what to do when that habit of hiding returns which is often when I sleep. Waking to my dreams where I am facing my isolation, my lack of connection that I know in the repose of sleep. I will not fight, rage, but instead hold to resting, and pleasure and no one will mess with my pleasure. Yet when waking I need to emote against the deniers, the abusers, and that is the key. For in the anxiety of doing nothing lies impotence. Luckily for me my karma led me to Dr. Rinn a great Therapist, a Doctor of Gestalt Therapy, and master of Orgone Therapy.

Armored people are flat water, and Orgone is carbonated, alive. I see people as windows and most have all there windows closed, shut tight. In Orgone Therapy the windows will open inch by inch and sometimes they close back up.   Letting the Orgone through the armor allows a whole person to emerge.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Orgone Therapy

I often counted the stars on my ceiling. They
Shined. Then that morning I was taken
Out of my room.
He lied there, no movement, white.
Cold. Ruthless, I would never
Be like him. Who are these people?
I would find another way.
Never pinched like my Grandfather.











Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Eternally Yours




Some things take years. Then
I realized I was talking to the
Mother of the universe. She gave
Birth to billions of years.
My desires need to happen quickly.
Help me
The Goddess of forever.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Made Me Smile

  



                           She speaks French.
                           The French pop playing.
                           I am doing Chenga, and wishing
                           For a different outcome.

                           Lately I have seen other worlds.
                           They beckon me.
                        
                           I was reborn through Orgone.
                           Invisible hands held my face and kissed
                           My cheek.
                           Beyond my understanding, Spirit.
                           Then I turn
                           The laundry piled in the corner.
                          

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Memories





                  It was Wordsworth who watched the pebble
                  Circle's to the edge of the Pond. As
                  Our eating, our movements.
                
                   Feeling my blood flow, the coldness of
                   Of slow motion. Of having no appetite,
                
                   She laid there comatose,  Her tit try.
                   Who was that? My
                   Tortured movements
                   Kill that blob of fat.
                

Monday, July 7, 2014

Secrets

I once saw Martha Stewart fold a fitted sheet. It took about 14 steps to make it lie flat and square and then to put it into her perfectly fitted organized closet. I was flabbergasted.  Of late I have noticed and remembered my wife's perfectly organized draw and other houses, and cars that are perfect. Perfection can be away to hide secrets. If it is viewed as success than no need to look beneath the veneer.

I have been a detective all my life trying to figure out my life. There was no halo above my head just trial and error. No one in my family saw fit to explain anything to me. On the whole this was a dangerous way to grow up but better than being fed and believing the make do philosophy of my peers. Basically don't examine and make money. Understandable but sure fire way to ultimately be miserable: without love, and knowledge addiction is a poor lover. So what is the chance for any type of happiness, in our culture, when to have any fun and release one needs to break the rules. Then you have secrets and that means addictive patterns. Addiction sure seems like fun compared to our culture of work, death and no glory. Often addiction can be sexual; relieving the boredom by having many assignations keeps one in a strange game of perpetual addiction.


First addiction can be anything that moves the Orgone but is actually filled with anxiety, and some pleasure. Never enough pleasure and needs to be controlled or the secret of hidden behavior will be divulged. Pandora's box can be found in the Emotional Plague of others: there hidden rage and lack of satisfaction will be released on you if your addiction is revealed.  Control the reality, project perfection and ones addiction, betrayal and shame is not experienced. As a adult that behavior leads to hidden
releases, addiction: ones that are primal are the ones I couldn't control. I was living with a French cook and I got huge. Put the food in front of me and I was addicted. Food in my family was the only pleasure and a big part of escape. Pizza down the street, bakeries on every corner. Then of course puberty came upon me and the complications of another primal drive.
Secrets and addictions go together. Both can be isolating. Both take away one of the other big pleasures
of sharing ones reality.



As a baby, as a child being isolated by typical abuses breeds a cruel and murderous unconscious. I froze the movement of Orgone as a baby to protect myself from the abuse. Control freezes the movement of Orgone, life. Then those unexpressed feelings fester, multiply and breed addiction. The abusers need to be named and repressed anger expressed. When I had no movement I had no feelings and I would lay in my crib neglected by the hours happy not to be abused either by incompetent Doctors or by unfeeling adults. Staying hidden protected me from the abusers. As a adult that behavior leads to hidden releases, addictive habits.
   One of the great moments in history is Dr. Reich's Theory that humans are energy producers and need to express the extra produced Orgone through sexual intercourse and not just a frustrated intercourse. Intercourse needs to be fully functional. The addict's excess Orgone has there own hidden needs and must be actualized. When Orgone is blocked by armor, through the holding in of hidden feeling then the resulting hidden anger will be metamorphosed through addiction and not be conscious. The armor now has restricted consciousness; cruelty, contempt, a nasty character becomes the face of addiction; and that anger is unpredictable. Those cruel and murderous, memories  are festering held in rage one has forgotten, and now energize your addiction; the continuous compulsion to find some pleasure and some release from past abuse. Addiction is the release valve on ones consciousness, on ones Orgone, one way or another, even transposed, those hidden feelings will be expressed. The pressure to release the excess Orgone is stupefying: some form of addiction often sexual will be used to release the excess Orgone. 
Addictions partial release is what drives addictions continuation, and out of control feels good. Pleasure, the movement of Orgone to the surface of the body without total release is addictive. The desire for unlocking one's unsatisfied frozen Orgone with addictive pleasure compels the addictive action. Orgone stuck is frozen character, a mask that can not be satisfied: a release that will not be found. It is the full sexual release that ends addiction. The horror, the tapestry of our culture, is blinded to these truths, and denies there value. Tragedy after tragedy and I see no end of there ignorance.


My realizations continues, and as my controls dissolve I am experiencing more of the excitement of a balanced life. I have been fortunate to have been in Orgone Therapy because the waking of the past denial is a tremendous shock and consciousness must be traversed with tools that Orgone Therapy teaches.
Folding that sheet takes patience and determination. It is hard and with practice I could spend time organizing myself into forgetting that I do it for control, and that control is fun to let go of, but through meaningful connection, honesty and understanding.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Culture: The Horror



I became a total failure and that led me to survive. I went to college and wound up in grad school. I wasn't any great scholar but I wound up in the Haight Ashbury in the the hippie era. If I had any skills or talent besides getting high, which led me to Yoga, it would have surprised me, just nothing. I liked meditation. It had some benefit but no release. I was lost and single; marriage, sex, and love were confusing. If I had some talent I would have thrown myself into my skills and went on. Would have kept on. But I was really screwed up and really nothing satisfied me. If I had any idea of what satisfied meant. Was it luck? Was it the hidden connections of my life? I would like to think so that brought me to Dr. Rinn. Now I do have a few skills. I became a Massage Therapist. I understand Nutrition from working in the field and studying. I enjoy writing poetry and I practice singing and playing some. What brought me to waking up and experiencing this life journey and not a short lived life was Dr. Reich's Orgone Therapy. To this day, everyday Orgone Therapy saves my life. If I had some talent I would never had learned how to be fully alive.


I am reminded of Jesus saying one must be drowning before one can be saved. These days I relate that to addictions. If one has made it through childhood with some skills, a way to succeed in our culture and with addictions that are are are not addictions in our culture than one will happily walk into the wall of failure at an advanced age when realizations began to occur when the mistakes pile up.
Growing up I watched my father smoke, and the men who work for him all smoke and drink. My mother never ate in front of me but she was huge. No one talked and no one one paid much attention to each other. My father thankfully was the exception; he visited my brother and me every night. When I confronted my mother as a adult she denied everything. I had heard my mother voicing hateful thoughts, hating men, late at night to my sister. My mother was the  obedient wife and had performed her wifely duties silently to my fathers grunting. No need to explain the facts of life when you can learn it on the street. The lack of comfort, understanding and physical closeness from my mother would cause a unknown anger and spiteful feelings. The past what a subtle horror. Its subtle because I had learned as a baby how to shut down. Yet all the experiences are stored in the body. What is left is what I call the reporting brain. It takes notes and stores memory. Does not feel. Waiting to awaken. What a shock when that part of me feels. The bigger part. The bigger part of me doesn't like the culture of frozen feelings. It has trouble wanting to act like it is all normal.

I am being reminded what a difficult journey being a human is in our culture. I found I was not prepared for adulthood. Going through my tortuous journey I am remembering all the mistakes, the twists, the false starts, the wrong choices that I made. It was a map filled with illusions, fantasy, and confusion and only some genetic code of survival kept me going. Through Orgone Therapy my addictions were able to be understood.




Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Breath. A Trillion Stars




Connection and being in the presence of people moves me,  and I feel pleasure.  I am hoping for the deepest connection,  and the deepest expression which we call love.
Addiction is the escape, the knowledge that I am not connected, that I am not loved.  All  addictions cover up this knowledge, this isolation.



Yet  Orgone Therapy can illicit these situations.  Feelings come rushing in and now I am finally experiencing the abandonment that I could not allow myself to feel. Even though I have worked and prepared myself for my anger I find my deadness  overwhelming.  I am lost. I will not move. What a sad protection. Then I will not be frozen. In the past the doctor helps, now I am expressing  myself.  The expression is the lifeboat.  My breath is back.

Dropped down on the planet with the compulsion to go, to get going and continue on the journey that our orgone motivates us to achieve. Every bit of knowledge becomes instrumental in taking the steps to understanding. If what's left of ones pulsation, life force connects to Dr. Reich's tragic publicized death and his story generates interest and like me you are lucky to find a Orgone Therapist then breath will be talked about, taught and experienced. Eastern and Western mystics  have used breath as a way to enhance life. In my twenties I was was initiated into Kriya Yoga, and Zen breathing techniques and found both to be missing an essential core that Dr. Wilhelm Reich discovered. Full breathing without orgasmic release will cause confusion and in me anxiety. Every 3 to 8 seconds a breath is drawn. Most of the time we humans are not aware of it. In and out and totally forgotten. Breath, or spirit as it is called in the Bible is the link to direction in a unsatisfactory culture. Often confusion concerning reality happens because shallow breathing distorts perception.  Combined with litle understanding of how Orgone moves in the body I felt totally ignorant. Now as I breathe I experience  the movement of orgone and the miracle and complexity of my life, a very humbling  experience. 


Not only horror. Yes a trillion stars is my reward and yours. Like the universe Dr. Reichs therapy will expand me and you. But first I went through and at times still do the misery, the doubts. Then afterwards when I have unlocked and the flow has come tearing in like the ocean filling a beach, you and I will merge.









Sunday, January 26, 2014

Finding The Miracle

In Orgone Therapy a large amount of time is spent listening to how one's Therapists breathes, learning  how to breathe by copying. You would think it would be easy but it is not. Breath is ones earliest defense. Shallow breathing is the earliest armor that protects one from feeling. Over time I learned.
Breath is the engine that propelled me to understand love. Breath stimulates the Orgone  to expand as does love. Love is the reaching out of Orgone in our bodies in connection and empathy to a shared lover. The Orgone connection is thoroughly written about in many of Dr. Reich's books and in particular Ether, God and Devil-Cosmic Superimposition. A book that Dr. Reich elucidates many salient ideas of Orgone knowledge.

Growing up I had no knowledge my family was askew and simply I like any lemming would have died. What saved me as a child was going to kill me as an adult. Sports, eating too much food and not being at all conscious of the role I played in my family was not working for me. In fact it was causing a unnamed strange feeling, that was very uncomfortable. Now as a adult I was eating too much and having trouble holding a job. I was aloft, alone, anxious, without knowing what that meant, except I felt very weird, lost. I didn't even know denial existed and only through the genius of Dr. Reich, Dr. Rinn, I was able to experience myself in a way that allowed me to balance and feel pleasure, joy and yes anger, sadness also. But like any intense learning the Orgone work was very difficult and for a contemptuous, arrogant late 20 year old very challenging.

When one is born we are smiling Orgone. Wholly Orgone. When horrifying birth practices compress the Orgone, we shut down and we are in denial.  These earliest experiences mold the Orgone into a one dimensional shallow character. The armor becomes the invisible way we experience, and react to our culture. Then as a adult ones patterns can be tested by needs that are not being met and a compulsion not understood can motivate anyone to seek an addicted release from the confusion from the ridged armor. Without help from an Orgone Therapist our childhood will poison our adulthood. Our childhood has to be felt; difficult, re-experiencing those earliest moments, it is the work of a lifetime. Don't let anyone tell you that Orgone Therapy is easy. So why did I do it? Whew. Why do Orgone Therapy if it so difficult?

The habits I developed were written in me like the stripes of a zebra and now I had to find the key, the thousand keys to make what was invisible, the unconscious appear.  Orgone Therapy has the tools developed by Dr. Reich that took away the doubt, the confusion and allowed me to feel, and gave me the ability to express myself appropriately, well most of the time.  The Therapy is hands on and gets through all the intellectual talk. You have to be ready to learn. Find the armor and want to express it. Will Orgone Therapy work for you if you are not motivated by feeling really bad? I doubt it. If one finds addiction exciting and is able to ignore the severe long term consequences than the damage that we do to ourselves will never become conscious, unless a shock happens. I think you have to be drowning to want to do it. If you are a successful addict and have perfected your addiction than Orgone Therapy will not work. I have known people who would rather die rather then do the therapy, and Dr. Reich wrote that many patients he had died rather than stay in Therapy. No one wants to see there nuclear family, there neurotic mother and father, there broken family and how there unsatisfactory lives affected them and you. Going back and experiencing ones deranged parents, the ruthless culture, the lack of love can cause any one to want to run away. The surprise in Orgone Therapy is feeling better by expressing the armor, the old hidden memories: understanding how feelings happen. Feeling right finally because I had feelings, palpable and releasing, and that is the key to staying with Therapy; being taught inch by inch the tools to change.

My addictive habits became unsatisfying and that is what continues to save me. Tasting a deeper satisfaction leads me to staying balanced. Without breath, I could not feel my own Orgone movement and not connect with a lovers. Knowing the pulse of love allows me to understand if the connection is deep or a temporary addiction. Feeling deeply allows me to make better choices.